Yet here I sit by the dining table (because my home office has been converted into a cat room) at 11PM, mourning the version of me I lost at 33.
The version of me, who had been living a life that wasn't at all what I had expected.
No, I hadn't expected to have moved halfway across the world. Or struggled to speak the local language even after 7 years and counting. Or thought it would have been so difficult to maintain relationships between acquaintances. Or have spent so much time trying to fix a neck and shoulder ache, smelling like deep heat muscle rub all the time.
No, I hadn't expected that I'd have to rethink a career I thought I knew. Or pushed myself to learn a whole new skill, with hopes that I'll find something in this dreaded economy again. Or spent countless days and sleepless nights, wondering if the problem was always me - and that I never knew what I wanted after all.
But I turned 34 today
I had a fantastic lunch with a family friend. I spent the afternoon shopping for chocolates that my brother and sister-in-law wanted. I ate a hearty bowl of ramen with my better half. I came home to the said cat who stole my home office. I sprawled on the couch, sipping on water from the bottle I had chosen as my birthday gift. I'm healthy. I'm happy. But most importantly, so are the people dear to me.
So while I may have mourned 33, I also had a great 34
And I just wanted to tell this version of me that things will get better eventually. That you're doing everything you can, and I hope you'll be able to stay zesty . Happy birthday, sappy ol' 34 year old me.
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